Broken Clocks
by Depraved Doll
Summary: Sometimes Cloud found himself remembering things that had never been, sometimes he thought he wasn’t good enough and sometimes he wanted to fall into Zack’s arms and pretend that the world outside wasn’t as broken as it really was...
1. Chapter 1

_**Broken Clocks**_

_**Rating – **__M . (lemony goodness at some point ^_^)_

_**Disclaimer- **__I do not own the characters within that clearly belong to Square Enix however the plot and any OC's are my own ^_^_

_**Summary- **__Sometimes Cloud found himself remembering things that had never been, sometimes he thought he wasn't good enough and sometimes he wanted to fall into Zack's arms and pretend that the world outside wasn't as broken as it really was... Clack..._

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_**Prologue**_

It had been upon his return to seventh heaven, having returned Aeris to the life stream, his heart heavy, the scent of betrayal clinging heavily to his clothes, after defeating Sephiroth, his body worn and aching, when all he had really wanted to do was crumble into himself, lost in a tangle of lies and mixed thoughts. That had been when Reno had appeared in his doorway, cigarette in hand and eyes betraying the idea of cool confidence he was trying so desperately to embody, he had given up under the other's gaze, sitting beside him as twisted words tumbled from his lips, Cloud had wanted to kill him when he had finished, slamming him against the bar, called him a liar, a bastard, a twisted son of a bitch who should have never been conceived, the hate and malice had come as a shock to even the blonde himself, Reno had merely taken it all, letting it roll off him like water off a ducks back.

After the accusations had died down, when the Mako had dissipated until sapphire was all that remained Reno had merely glanced up and allowed the words to fall from his lips once again, drilling them into the blonde's head like a mantra. The blonde had punched him, drew blood that trickled from the redhead's lip down pallid flesh, dropping onto the white shirt unbuttoned at the very top, Rude had pulled the blonde from him, whispered words of truth falling from his lips and somehow with the both of them there Cloud found that he couldn't deny their words, couldn't force the disbelief to manifest in his mind and despite his common sense, despite what he knew, felt, to be true, despite the horror he had seen, the pain burning against his flesh and deep within muscle, despite it all he started to believe them, his heart lifting and filling with blood, reviving inside his chest almost.

He had warned that death would follow if he found out that they were lying and Reno had merely lit up another cigarette, wiping at his lip with his thumb and heading for the door like he hadn't a care in the world. The blonde had followed ignoring as Tifa entered with screams of protest; her words faded to nothingness, the door fell heavily against the frame signalling his dismissal, she merely folded her arms across her chest in disapproval.

The Shinra helicopter looked out of place, Cloud could remember the sounds of the blades swirling above head, the warm breath ghosting across his face as a hand had moved from his arm, gripping the hilt of a sword. He had insisted that he'd follow on Fenrir and Reno didn't try to argue as he climbed up to the controls merely saluting and smirking Cloud had glared at him through the goggles he fixed over Mako tinted eyes.

The ride through the deserts helped to clear his thoughts, the wind was chilled against his flesh which burnt with an unfamiliar heat, the stars twinkled above him, long lost spirits that danced amongst the life stream, Aeris resided there now, with her shimmering emerald eyes, her bright smile, her radiance. He grit his teeth against the wave of shame and forced the bike to go even faster, losing sight of Reno was not an option, the other had preached words of unfathomable meaning that stung at his heart even now, for all Cloud knew he was the pied piper leading him to his demise but for those words, the chance they could be true Cloud knew that he would follow anyone anywhere. If Sephiroth had stood before him with the utterance on his lips and conviction in his eyes then Cloud would have been unable to decline, unable to shred the man's heart knowing that there was a chance no matter how small.

The helicopter stood out against the landscape, Reno leant against it, a flash of red against pure black, he smiled as the blonde pulled up in front of him, the bike getting perhaps a little bit too close for comfort. Rude was already walking away, hands in pockets, all business, Reno pushed himself from the helicopter and started to follow his partner, Cloud watched them for a few moments before following them also. There were trees in this part of the land, happy and healthy, droplets of dew on the grass; it had reminded him of home, before home had been burnt to a crisp.

They walked for a long time, one after another, silence looming between them as if what they were planning on doing was forbidden. There was a building before them, it grew the closer they got, looking somewhat like a fortress, Rude stopped at the door, inputting a code into the locking mechanism, _88734,_Cloud burnt the numbers into his mind saving them for use later. Reno fiddled with his lighter, flicking it open and then closed, open and closed, open and closed, like a nervous child. The lights came on automatically, shining brightly and almost blinding the blonde and redhead alike, Rude safe behind the lenses of his sunglasses.

Inside the place looked somewhat like a hospital, rows of unused beds, storage facilities with locked doors, there was what looked like an operating room, shimmering silver with not a speck of dirt to be found. The Turks wound through the maze like corridors as if they had done it a million times, Reno had explained the place as a hospital for injured SOLDIERS, the place seemed empty and barren now, it's purpose no longer needed and he allowed his heart to thunder inside his ribcage, hid the way his hands shook by clenching them into fists. There was a doctor in the one room, her eyes a mismatched hazel and blue, her hair a light chestnut brown pulled back into a ponytail, her name scribbled in italic font _Hitomi __Akiyama _black against the pure white of a lab coat, her smile was warm as she greeted the two Turks, then smiling softly at Cloud in a way that reminded him of Aeris.

She led them through the corridor, the gentle tap of her heels against the marble flooring somewhat soothing in the silence, she stopped outside a door grabbing for a key card in her pocket, swiping it through the lock, it flashed green and pinged softly, another door to the left, a small corridor and another door. Reno glanced back at Cloud as the woman entered with Rude following; the redhead squeezed his shoulder, a comforting friendly gesture, the Turk motioned for him to enter first and the blonde didn't turn down the offer slipping past Reno into the room, he side stepped Rude, eyes widening and then narrowing in confusion, heart pounding dangerously inside his chest swelling until he thought it would burst, his eyes flared with Mako, hands clenched. He moved forward before he had decided to, his feet carrying him towards a white bed.

The doctor stood with her back to him, a clipboard in hand as she jotted something down, his eyes scanned the scene before him, the white sheets, the machine's that beeped and hummed without missing a beat, the light that found its way in through closed blinds. The bandages wrapped so tightly around skin that had once held such a healthy glow, now pallid beneath the endless hospital white, the dark hair that contrasted so dangerously, still impossibly spiked and some tumbling into closed eyes, there were tubes and wires, a tube to breathe the machine hissing with each artificial inhale and exhale, IV's strapped tightly to veins and someone who had once been so unbelievably strong and alive now seemed so very broken.

He remembered blood, clinging to his hair, warm against the flesh of his face, streaking past shocking blue; there was a smile, a grimace, a touch, a fading heart beat, a weight so heavy in his hand that could never outweigh the one in his heart. There was laughter, a scream, gunshots; it was a memory that Cloud would have given anything to forget. His steps were tentative now as he neared the bed, closer to the motionless figure; a clipboard was slipped into the end of the bed, the gentle tap of heels fading into the distant, a familiar hand on his shoulder.

"We'll be outside..." Reno all but whispered turning on his heal and disappearing from the room with Rude, the door closing with a soft click. Cloud stood at the side of the bed, his mind seemed to fail him, his hands refused to move but his eyes shimmered with the pain he had tried to conceal for so long. They were no longer the Mako tinged eyes of the SOLDIER who had battled with Sephiroth, nor the angry confused pale blue of the man who had returned a dear friend to the life stream, they were the deep sapphire of the boy he had once been, when he had first seen the man lying in the bed before him. His hand reached out, touching the flesh of the other male's face, it was warm even through his gloves and he even let himself believe there was a smile hidden beneath the machine that kept him breathing.

There was something on his face, it trickled across his cheek, a trail of moisture in its wake, he frowned as the droplet landed on the white sheets, becoming transparent on impact, it took him a few moments to realise that it had been a tear. He allowed his eyes to close, saw a smiling face, black spikes falling into gentle blue, an extended hand, he found it hard to accept that someone who had always been so strong was now so very helpless. His hand traced the faint outline of a familiar scar,

"I'm sorry..." the words seemed horribly loud in the silence of the room and he cringed at the way they had tumbled from his lips, knowing the elder would have chuckled and ruffled his hair at the way it had cracked with regret. He hadn't allowed himself to believe that what Reno had told him would turn out to be true, hadn't wanted to set himself up for the fall, yet as he stood there, hand on the elder's face, eyes glued to the unmoving form he still found it so hard to believe. He had seen this man die, fight against thousands of armed men, perishing in a flurry of bullets and all to save _him_, he had watched him die, watched the blood run, seeping away with the rain. He would never be able to chase the images from his mind now, "it's all my fault," and it wasn't just this man before him it was Aeris, it was Tifa, Denzel, Marlene, those thousands of people that he had never been able to save, "I... can't be your living legacy Zack... I'm not strong enough,"

He could imagine a slap to the back of his head, a chuckle and seductive eyes rolling at him, an exasperated sigh, shake of jet black, _"you beat Sephiroth didn't you," _in a matter of fact tone, yet it didn't happen and his eyes found the floor in shame.

"I think... I wanted to save you, more than anyone else," the only response he received was the beeping, the humming, the hiss of the machine's that made him cringe. It was too much for him, he wanted to run, Zack wasn't supposed to be like this, wasn't supposed to be broken and silent and barely holding on. He couldn't take the helplessness he felt, like there was nothing he could do despite all the will in the world, he turned in that instant, flash of gold and black walking away, heart heavy and eyes shimmering.

He had driven back to Edge with Reno's explanation repeating in his head, he said they had come across Zack alone on the cliff, they had never expected him to survive the trip to the medical facility yet he had clung on, the doctors there had worked tirelessly to get him to the point that he was at now, they had no guarantee's as to if he would ever wake from his comatose state or what he would be like if he ever did. Hitomi had said that he was doing well, offered Cloud a key card and told him to drop by whenever he wished to, she had briefly mentioned moving to a facility closer to Edge but maintained that the move was to be a long way off and by no means definite. Still she had seemed hopeful and the very possibility had made something in Cloud's heart soar.

By the time he returned to Seventh Heaven the bar was closing for the night, Tifa tidying up, Denzel and Marlene were in bed, Tifa's smile was warm and conversational but Cloud was in no mood for talking, he merely nodded his acknowledgement at her before heading up to him room. She explained it away as mourning over Aeris and thought nothing more of it. The blonde had struggled to sleep that night, plagued with images of Zack, of pieces of memories that didn't make any sense. In the following months he became distant from Tifa, disappearing on deliveries and not returning for prolonged periods of time, he didn't say where he'd been, he became lost to her and she didn't know what to do to get him back.

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_First chapter done, this particular plot Chocobo just jumped on me for no apparent reason I'm not really sure what I think of it so I ask for your opinions and reviews to let me know if I should carry on or not ^_^ oh and I adore Reno so reviewers will have a Reno shaped cookie (stares at cookie jar longingly) till next time!_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Broken Clocks**_

**_XxxXxxX_**

Two years had passed since Sephiroth, Aeris, since Reno had come to him and taken him miles away to a medical facility where Zack Fair had lay in a hospital bed, kept alive by machine's, broken and silent. Cloud had lost his way in that time, he distanced himself from his friends, his family, he couldn't stand to be with Tifa, to play happy families when everything was so terribly wrong, couldn't sit at Zack's bedside and see that there still was no change, Hitomi would call him from time to time, to update him on his friend, nothing ever changed. Despite that some days he still found himself stood at the foot of that bed, light falling from the blinds onto pallid flesh and fresh white. Machine's beeping in the silence, he whispered stories and memories that were as accurate as he could get them to be, begged for the elder to open his eyes, he never did and each and every time Cloud left feeling more hopeless than when he had gone in.

The Geostigma had started at some point in that time, he couldn't pinpoint it exactly, had hidden it so well it became a mystery to even himself, Hitomi had become suspicious, asking him if she could look him over, he had distanced himself even more then, avoiding her, leaving Zack alone in that hospital bed and it stung at him far more than the Geostigma. Tifa had cried, pleaded with him to stay if not for her then for Denzel, for Marlene, he could never get her to understand and eventually the Geostigma fell upon Denzel as well and for Cloud it was just another failure he couldn't stand, between the sick boy and the comatose Zack he began to hate himself all over again, seeing the weak grunt in the mirror, the SOLDIER fading to nothing.

Sephiroth had come for him again at the end of the two years, in a flurry of black feathers, he had found his strength from memories of Zack, had found forgiveness in Aeris, had fought for a world he thought he couldn't stand because deep down he knew that he cared more than he would ever admit. That day had seen him fight with every last ounce of strength because he was fighting for those he loved just as Zack had fought for him, standing with a smile, the odds stacked dangerously against him and death clearly on the cards. He fought like the living legacy he had promised to be, bleeding and bruised, once again he came out on top, Sephiroth refusing to be a memory as he faded back into the life stream leaving Kadaj, broken and out of his depth, he had reached for 'mother' and faded along with his brother,

For a moment Cloud had allowed himself to breath, his Geostigma had been lifted and there was no doubt that Aeris was behind it, watching them all from the life stream and he begged of her to help Zack, begged her to give him back because after all of his suffering was he really destined to lose everything. The bullet had been unexpected, tearing through muscle, it had burnt and he had snarled into the pain, gripping at his sword and charging as Yazoo had fired again, promises of dying together perishing on his lips, then there had been white and all Cloud really knew was that he couldn't die, Zack needed him, they all needed him and Aeris had smiled, her very presence warm and she sent him back with a smile and a gentle kiss and a plea for him to stop feeling so guilty.

He had woken in Aeris' church, Tifa smiling at him as if he'd been faking all alone, Cid and Yuffie cheering like children, Barret smirking and Vincent nodding. He had healed Denzel's Geostigma, Aeris successfully ridding the world of Sephiroth's disease, protecting the life stream, the very planet as she had always strived to do and Cloud thought she was happy because she could do more good from within the life stream than she could have ever done in Midgar, she was stronger. He saw her then, crouched before a child, all grace and poise, a smile on her lips, her emerald eyes shimmering brightly as she turned and continued out the door, there was Zack there and his heart sunk as they faded to white. He couldn't lose Zack now, not after everything, tears stung at the back of his eyes and he had ran, ran as fast as he could until he reached Fenrir and then he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

He wondered if Hitomi had tried to call him, left useless messages on a phone that he had lost somewhere along the line. He tried to block the feelings from his mind as he forced the bike to go faster, pushing it to its limits, it growled beneath him and he pushed it harder, his knuckles white beneath the black gloves, the tension in his arms tight enough to shatter muscle, his heart thundering in his chest.

He had struggled to remember the code, finding it lodged safely in the back of his mind, the image of Rude in putting it into the system filed away safely for a moment just like this. He stormed the hospital, sprinting through corridor after corridor even as his limbs begged him to give in and allow them time to rest. He ignored the pain, rushing past Hitomi who glanced up at him from her book, she stood, chasing after him, he forced the key card into the lock, forcing the door open prematurely, he sighed when the beeping met his ears, every beep coinciding with a strong heartbeat. Hitomi almost crashed into him, placing a hand on his shoulder, he turned to look at her and she noted how exhausted he looked.

"You can stay here tonight if you like, we have a lot of room," he nodded in thanks and she smiled warmly in that way that always made him think of Aeris, she turned to leave him alone but stopped in the doorway as if suddenly remembering something incredibly important. "He flat lined earlier," the words stung at his heart and he remembered Zack waving to him from the doorway as he turned to follow Aeris into the white. "We got him back though, he's strong Cloud and I don't think he wants to give up just yet, don't you give up on him either, he always seems so much better when you're here," with that she left the room closing the door behind her and heading back to her room and the book she had been reading.

Cloud wandered over to the bed, perching on the edge, his whole body seemed to relax being closer to the elder, he felt like he could let all the bravado, the mask, slip away and just be himself. Be that boy he was when he had first joined SOLDIER when Zack had come to him with all his humour, all his strength, his support, his friendship, Cloud had never had a friend like Zack, someone so willing to give absolutely everything for him and as the tears brimmed in his eyes he closed them in an attempt to hide them and stop them from falling. He lay down beside the elder, his head hidden into the dark haired male's neck, his hair brushing at pale skin and Cloud marvelled at how soft it felt. His eyes felt heavy, sleep tugging at him, he didn't want to go just yet, wanted to stay like this for a little bit longer, Zack's warmth seeping through the sheets into his skin.

He felt a hand on his own, the thumb tracing familiar patterns into the glove, he struggled to keep hold of the feeling, the fog of sleep coating his mind like cobwebs, he struggled against it, struggled to get back to Zack to prove something to himself but he couldn't force his eyes to open. He couldn't remember any dreams he had that night but his sleep was for once peaceful and uninterrupted, Sephiroth didn't plague them with promises of pain, his guilt over Aeris' death had faded and his relief to find Zack still alive made everything else seem insignificant.

The light streaming from the cracks in the blinds was what woke him, the warm rays crossing his face, it felt nice and he allowed himself to succumb to it for the briefest of moments. When he finally allowed his eyes to open the soft beeping once again filling his hearing the first thing he noticed was that Zack's hand was entwined with his own, he stared at the appendages for a moment before sitting up and slowly allowing for them to part, he had mentioned it to Hitomi who had merely smiled warmly and said that it was a common occurrence, nothing out of the ordinary, his face he was certain had shown his disappointment. He had wanted so badly for it to have been a sign that his friend was coming back to him.

He had been at the foot of the bed, felt like he'd been there for hours, just watching, praying, eventually he had turned on his heal and taken his leave. He glanced briefly through the glass panel in the centre of the door before finally turning and leaving.

_XxxxXxxxX_

He returned to Seventh Heaven with a sigh on his lips and a pain in his heart that he couldn't quite fathom, Tifa had grabbed his wrist as he had tried to stalk off to his room, a look on his face that said he wasn't getting away from her this time. He resigned himself to her interrogation and watched as she poured them both a drink, her back to him for the time being.

"You left it a hurry, been gone for a while, I always thought you went to the church but I guess you don't," she seemed to be mumbling to herself more than anyone else, "we're worried about you, you seem so lost Cloud," she placed the drink in front of him, her smile warm, begging for him to whisper away his secrets, but he couldn't, Zack was his to worry about, his to visit and think about, he didn't want to tell anyone about it, they didn't need to know.

"I'm fine, just needed time to think," she knew it was a lie, he could see it in her eyes but she didn't push and for that he was grateful. He slipped in to see Denzel and Marlene; they were tucked up in bed but were quietly chatting to one another, both were ecstatic to see him, all smiles and screams. He eventually managed to get them calmed down and they went back to sleep. He wandered back to his own room memories of Zack's grip around his shoulders, he had never left him, carried him all that way,

"_I'd never abandon you," _The memory of whispered words that hadn't made sense then now burnt at his mind with such meaning. Zack had been there for him every step of the way, still talking, laughing, acting as if everything was ok as if Cloud wasn't comatose in some strange sense of the word; Mako poisoning had not been pleasant that was all he really knew. He sank into the mattress, his thought focused solely on Zack, on bright blue/green eyes, on jet black hair and how soft it had been against his cheek, of wondrous smiles, warm arms, of blood that just wouldn't stop.

Hitomi had explained about the bandages, about how they had extracted the bullets, the wounds had been deep and there had been a handful of surgeries, she wasn't sure how well they would heal even with the Mako and the Materia and all the will of the world. He could see the shattered armour when he closed his eyes, the wounds so deep, the blood pumping so fast it would be impossible to stem. He had left Zack on that cliff, left him because he felt so sure he was dead, but he hadn't been, Cloud had left him there to die and he would never be able to shake the guilt over that fact.

He decided that he wanted to bring Zack closer to Edge, he wanted to beg Hitomi, he wanted to be able to take care of him himself, to be there for him just as Zack had been there for him all those years ago. He wanted to be with him, to be there when he came out of this, because Cloud knew that he would, just as he himself had.

_**XxxxXxxxX**_

_Eh hem... about the lack of update lets just say this was all ready to go AGES ago and then my laptop went boom and everything got a bit confusing and it spent years being fixed and it was touch and go as to whether I'd ever see it again let alone with any of my stuff still on it but I think they succeeded touch wood (searches for wood) ... so yeah it may not be the best because I'm trying to update so much and not having much chance to check it all because I have to go to work soon so don't stab me for silly mistakes next chapter will be better I just had to get something up... _

_Apologies and lollipops for all! (and breathe :D)_


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